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KIRSTIE ALLEY PRESENTED WITH LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT SAG AWARD
 HIGH TIMES: MOST OF MARLEY & ME'S STELLAR BOX OFFICE SHOWING DUE TO POTHEADS THINKING IT WAS A BOB MARLEY BIOPIC  FEUDING OASIS REPLACES LIAM GALLAGHER WITH GALLAGHER  REMAKE OF '79 DRAMA GENERATING EARLY 2010 OSCAR BUZZ  'VANITY & COMBS' MAKES DEBUT ON FOX NEWS NETWORK COMBS: "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU THAT WE WON'T STOP BEING FAIR AND BALANCED"  DRUNK ROSIE TRIES TO EAT WRONG P***Y, GETS SLASHED BY CAT  WITH HIS BATMAN CONTRACT ABOUT TO EXPIRE, ROBIN EXPLORES FREE AGENT OPTIONS  MARY KATE OLSEN'S FASHION SENSE SUSPECTED IN DEATH OF MR. BLACKWELL  RIPA DROPS S-BOMB AFTER INCONTINENT REGIS DROPS DEUCE ON LIVE TV  COLIN POWELL'S HIP HOP CAREER NOT TAKING OFF AS WELL AS HE HOPED  VLADIMIR PUTIN JOINS COBRA KAI DOJO...  ...PUTIN TAKEN DOWN BY LARUSSO IN FINALS OF ALL VALLEY KARATE TOURNAMENT  OBAMA CHANNELS SAMMY DAVIS, JR. WHILE CAMPAIGNING IN VEGAS  RIHANNA MYSTERIOUSLY MORPHS INTO PRINCE  FLASHBACK 1988: McCAIN'S STANDUP ACT BOMBS ON 'THE TONIGHT SHOW'  JOE BIDEN AND BOB BARKER: SEPARATED AT BIRTH, REUNITED AT MEN'S WEARHOUSE  US WEEKLY MUM ON WHO THEY WILL ENDORSE FOR PRESIDENT  GUNS N' ROSES TO RELEASE NEW ALBUM ALONG WITH TIME MACHINE FOR LISTENERS TO GO BACK TO THEIR DAYS OF RELEVANCE  MCCAIN CHOOSES TINA FEY TO COMPLETE G.O.P. TICKET  |
REPORT: SIMON COWELL IS BASTARD CHILD OF MORK AND SCHNEIDER  MTV CASTS TRANSGENDER ROOMMATE IN REAL WORLD BROOKLYN HOUSE  AL QAEDA USING EPISODES OF 'THE HILLS' TO RECRUIT NEW TERRORISTS  OPRAH WINFREY WRITES $10 TRILLION CHECK TO ERASE NATIONAL DEFICIT  MADONNA DIVORCE FINALIZED; RITCHIE RICH  BEA ARTHUR LATEST CELEBRITY TO HAVE SEX TAPE RELEASED  MAN EATS 45 SLICES OF PIZZA IN TEN MINUTES TO SET WORLD RECORD  HOLLYWOOD CONSIDERS TIGHTENING 'WALK OF FAME' CRITERIA  CLAY AIKEN COMES OUT OF IMAGINARY CLOSET  MAN MADE OF PLASTIC FINDS TRUE LOVE WITH WOMAN MADE OF PLASTIC  OPRAH CLAIMS NO HIDDEN AGENDA IN SNUBBING PALIN; RECOMMENDS NEW READING TO BOOK CLUB MEMBERS  FOX ANNOUNCES STRANGE MID-SEASON REPLACEMENT AIMED AT BIRD LOVERS  ROSIE O'DONNELL TO STAR IN "LAND OF THE LOST: THE MUSICAL"  JONAS BROTHERS FIGHT THROUGH WRITER'S BLOCK, RELEASE "BBBMOP"; HANSON COULD NOT BE FOUND FOR COMMENT  BEATLE'S KILLER DENIED PAROLE THANKS TO PLEAS FROM BEATLES' KILLER  IRAN'S AHMADINEJAD TO GUEST HOST ON "LIVE WITH REGIS AND KELLY"; GELMAN OUTRAGED  WINNIE THE POOH DIAGNOSED WITH EARLY ONSET DIABETES; EEYORE SADDENED  DAVE COULIER CONFIRMS "YOU OUGHTA KNOW" WRITTEN ABOUT HIM; PLEADS WITH ALANIS TO CUT-IT-OUT  AS PRICE OF FUEL RISES, PRICE OF DIESEL BOTTOMS OUT  |
MADONNA CONFIRMS A-ROD NEVER ASKS WHAT IS BEING PUT INTO HIS BODY |